Livin’ Young, Wild, and Free

This next part of my life was full of the unknown and fear of change. I wanted to make sure I saw everyone that I wanted to see before the big move to Arizona. At this point, I was living as carefree as I could. My interests included watching The Bachelor, Utah Jazz games, and Cops on TV. I found myself secluding in my room during the day and at night. I think this was a big distraction tactic on my part. When I wasn’t in my room I was at the gym, hanging out with friends, going to parties, and concerts. I really wanted my last few months in Utah to be memorable, and didn’t want to leave with any regrets.

One thing I will forever be grateful for is during this time, after my dads two wedding receptions was my dad and Mat wrote little notes and gave me small gifts here and there. They expressed so much gratitude for me, and all I had been helping them with. One day when I was leaving work at Lifetime, there was a small note on my windshield that read “Your Dads love you! Hope your day was Awesome!” It was just what I needed after a hard day at work, and meant so much to me.

A few days later my dad walked into my room and handed me a package of Double Stuf Oreos with a card addressed to me. The card read “Lauryn, We wanted to thank you for being such a big part of our wedding and two wedding receptions. It was amazing to have you there and to have your support. We love you so much. We couldn’t have done the receptions without your help. So excited for the move to AZ with you! Gonna be so great. Always know we love you. -Dad & Mat”

These small gestures, gave me so much hope and motivation for the future. I don’t think I could’ve gotten through it without their constant love and support.

On July 13th, 2018 my friend Dakota and I went to downtown Salt Lake City to get Friday the 13th tattoos. I was just going to get a small one that nobody could really see, since they were cheap and I wasn’t sure if it would even turn out good. We stood in line for maybe an hour before we were let inside. The tattoo shop gave us a list of different small tattoos that we could get. Dakota ended up settling on a finger tattoo of a moon I think. I ended up settling on an arrow behind my ear. If you get a tattoo behind your ear, prepare to have your noggin shook! Thank goodness it only took about 10 minutes, I couldn’t handle the vibration on my skull any longer than that. I ended up not taking really good care of it, so now it’s really faded and most people don’t even know it’s there, but we did it as an experience together! Dakota and I have known each other since I was a sophomore in high school, and he has become one of my closest friends. Present day, we don’t talk often but when we do it’s like no time has passed.

My friend Hailee that moved to Vegas, eventually moved back to Utah for a little bit. We went on so many adventures together in July. We would drive up the canyon, go hiking, and play in the rivers. Hailee was younger than me by a few years, so I was kind of in the mindset she was in which was living young, wild, and free!

On July 17th, 2018 I went to the Logic concert with a few of my friends. I was so excited, since Logic was pretty massive this year in music. We got GA seats on the grass at Usana Amphitheater. It was safe to say that we had an absolute blast, and couldn’t have asked for a better experience with good people.

I met my friend May at the daycare I worked at throughout high school and after I graduated like I said in a previous chapter. She had become a really good friend of mine, and loved coming over to my house because she felt accepted and could be her true authentic self. May came out as lesbian a few years before 2018, and was having a hard time at home with being fully accepted as she was. I loved going on car rides with her, listening to Justin Bieber, and laughing endlessly. We made some really good memories that would last a lifetime. I was really sad that I would be leaving her in just a month, but knew I’d see her again when I visited Utah.

On July 22nd, 2018 my dad, Mat, Ashby, and I went to Eccles Theater to see ‘The Phantom of the Opera’. I had never seen it on broadway, and was so excited to finally experience this magnificent show! Ashby and I were sitting right by each other, and once the first notes of the organ began we both got chills! It was already so magical, it brought me to tears. If you haven’t seen Phantom on broadway I highly suggest you do!

On July 23rd, 2018 Ashby and I made our way to Salt Lake City. July 24th is a state wide holiday called “Pioneer Day” which is the day when the Mormon Pioneers settled in the Salt Lake Valley. It’s been an annual family tradition to camp out downtown on the parade route on the night of the 23rd so we could watch the parade that took place on the morning of the 24th. This tradition was started years prior with our family friends the Mechams. This year it would just be my mom, Harry, Parker, Lexi, Ashby, myself, and a bunch of our friends. Ashby and I got to Salt Lake pretty early in the evening to find a spot, and to start setting up. We brought a tarp, sleeping bags, and pillows. Our friends started to trickle in as the evening went on. Everyone else brought sleeping bags, tents, games, treats, drinks, and music. You wouldn’t believe how lively the streets of downtown can get! Our family showed up a little later at night. We were all in full swing, and ready to party the night away!

Around 1:00am everyone was playing games, eating snacks, and jamming out to music when I got a phone call from Mat. He said that he had to rush my dad to the Riverton Hospital because he was having abdominal and chest pain. I couldn’t stay on the parade route all night knowing that he was in the hospital. I spread the news, and told everyone they could stay. Everyone ended up going home around 2:00am. Ashby and I rushed to the hospital to be with my dad and Mat. We got there around 3:00am. My dad was in the ER with fluids and oxygen flowing. Luckily my Uncle Spencer was working that night! He took great care of my dad, and made sure everything was going to be okay. My dad rushed to the hospital because he felt like he was having a heart attack. The doctors started to do some tests, and they realized that it was probably his esophagus that was having a spasm. After that, they did a CAT scan, and realized it had nothing to do with his heart. They found an aortic aneurysm in his abdomen. It was a good thing he went into the hospital, so that they could find the aneurysm. He was told he should be okay for now, but needed to get the aneurysm worked on once he got to Arizona, they gave him the doctor to go to and everything. Overall I was sad that my last overnight parade route sleepover was cancelled, but I was glad I could be with my dad. Now we just had to wait until we moved to get his health situation figured out fully.

The next few days I spent exploring my city, every inch that I could before I wouldn’t see it again for awhile. My friends and I drove around the whole Salt Lake Valley, we saw beautiful sunsets, the “Salt Lake City is for lovers” sign, murals on the city walls, and just very “Utah” sights that I would miss.

On July 28th, 2018 my dad and I signed up to volunteer at a LGBTQ+ festival called “LoveLoud”. My dad and Mat had gone to the very first production of Love Loud the year prior. They both loved the message, and atmosphere so much that my dad suggested both of us volunteer the following year. So, here we were! The festival’s founder is Dan Reynolds the lead singer of the band ‘Imagine Dragons’. Before volunteering I had no idea how important the LGBTQ+ community was to him. Dan grew up Mormon, and still was apart of the faith. I thought it was very cool to come to find out how big of an Ally he was to the community.

The festival was held at The University of Utah Rice-Eccles Stadium in downtown Salt Lake City. Once we arrived we immediately took a selfie outside the stadium, we were so excited! After the selfie session was done, we walked inside and checked in as volunteers. We were given LoveLoud t-shirts, and badges that said “Volunteer”.

We then gathered with the rest of the volunteers, and to our surprise Dan Reynolds himself walks out and starts talking to us. You could immediately tell how passionate he was about the purpose for the festival. He brought my dad and I to tears with the stories he told. That Dan is a pretty incredible man. Hearing him speak made me more excited to give my time to the community. He thanked us over and over again for being there and giving our time. I was ready to meet as many people as I could and support such an amazing cause.

You may be asking yourself…“What’s this amazing cause?”. Well, let me give you the best answer I can from the information I took in.

Dan Reynolds started LoveLoud because LGBTQ+ youth are committing suicide everyday in the state of Utah, and around the world. They are not being accepted for who they were born to be, by family members, friends, peers, church leaders, and complete strangers. He is good friends with the lead singer of the band ‘Neon Trees’ Tyler Glenn. The two of them met on their LDS missions. They stayed friends throughout the years, and then both started music around the same time in Provo, Utah. Neon Trees were opening up for Imagine Dragons one night, and Tyler wore something that wasn’t masculine on stage. The crowd started calling him names, and making fun of him for the way he was dressed. Dan didn’t like the way his friend was being treated right in front of his eyes, for dressing the way he was dressed and for being who he is. So.. what did Dan do? He got together with Tyler and decided to do something about it. Dan wanted to give every LGBTQ+ person in Utah and other states a place to come to where they would be celebrated, seen, and heard for who they are and nothing less. I think that’s a pretty damn good reason to start the LoveLoud festival if you ask me.

After Dan finished talking to us, we got assigned our volunteer posts for the day. My dad and I were assigned to ticketing outside the gates. Before we headed to our post, we decided to walk around and see the venue. There were sound checks going on, people running around making sure everything was set and ready to go, a lot of vendors, and this feeling of overwhelming love. We took some pictures down by the stage and around the venue.

On our way back up to the main level, a performer who would be singing during the festival was singing “Born this way” by Lady Gaga. I started to tear up with happy tears, because I was here in this place with my dad doing something SO good. I was here supporting not only the LGBTQ youth and people of Utah, but also supporting my dad. At that moment I had the absolute best feeling in my heart, the feeling of love, happiness, and joy.

As we continued to walk around we ran into the CEO and founder of the ‘Encircle House’. Her name is Stephenie Larsen. Encircle is a place where LGBTQ+ youth can go to for absolutely anything they need. Encircle provides therapy, social connection, daily programs, friendship circles, etc. It is a safe place to land, and to be your authentic self. I believe this house has saved so many lives over the past few years. Since it has opened there have been other locations popping up in Utah. The first location was built in Provo, Utah right across from the Provo LDS Temple. Steph is a gem, and I am so glad my dad and I made the connection we did with her.

The time had come where we set off to our volunteer post outside the stadium. We met the leader who was in charge of ticketing, her name was Rachel. She and the rest of the volunteers were so welcoming, and knowledgeable. My dad and I took our seats, with the information we were given and started to work. Our main job was to find tickets for those who had tickets on hold for them. We also had tickets for VIPS of the event. It was so cool to meet many different people from all walks of life. I saw smiles all day long.

One really cool and eye opening thing I learned was about gender pronouns. We were briefed on how to address certain people using their correct pronouns such as ‘He/Him/His, She/Her/Hers, They/Them/Theirs’. You should never address someone as “It” that is very offensive. This was tricky at first, but I quickly got the hang of it. There’s no better feeling than making everyone feel welcomed and accepted.

My dad and I had an absolute blast getting to know the other volunteers. We heard so many heartfelt stories, and were truly filled with love.

Once the show was about to start, we shut down the ticket post. Mat and Ashby showed up just in time to watch the show. We found them, took a bathroom break, got some water, and found our seats. One thing about the bathrooms that I had never seen before was the gender neutral bathrooms. They were labeled “All gender restrooms”. This entire festival literally had all the bases covered for every single person to be included with no hesitation.

The show started out with a bang! I can’t remember the complete lineup, but a few artists that stood out to me were Zedd, Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park, Grace Vanderwaal, Neon Trees, and Imagine Dragons. Between the musical acts were speakers who were all associated with the LGBTQ+ community in some shape or form. They all had heart breaking and heart warming stories about what brought them here today. It was so fun to dance and sing along side of my brother, and two dads. Truly looking around at the audience and seeing every single person with a smile on their face, knowing that they are right where they’re supposed to be was incredible.

When it was time for Imagine Dragons to hit the stage it was dark. Everyone in the stadium was handed a wrist band that lit up. Throughout every song our wristbands went crazy with colors that were all in sync. In the middle of a few songs, Dan Reynolds would speak about stories he has heard, experiences he had, and really pounded into everyone’s heads that being who you are is simply ENOUGH. His passion and drive behind every word that came out of his mouth was so powerful. I’m pretty sure everyone in that stadium felt the most love they’ve ever felt in this one particular evening.

After the show was over, the four of us left feeling very uplifted. I was so thankful for the opportunity to volunteer at such a monumental festival along side my dad. If you would like to watch the entire festival it’s on YouTube! I promise it’s worth the watch. Make sure not to miss Imagine Dragons performance towards the end. Here’s the link!

Before I end this chapter I just want to say a few things. Being who you are is enough. Whether you’re straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer you are HUMAN. God created you for a purpose, everyone’s purpose here on Earth is different. But, one part of our purpose that we all share is to love. Love with every ounce of your being. If your beliefs are getting in the way of loving everyone around you no matter what lifestyle, look, personality, religion, etc. you need to take a long hard look at yourself and decide if you can break through and see each individual person as they are and fully accept them even if they don’t line up with your beliefs. I truly believe our world would be a better place if everyone was born with the ability to accept each person no matter what. It is heart breaking that the youth and adults of our world today are ending their lives because they don’t feel accepted by the people in their lives that mean the most. The suicide rate in Utah is one of the most extreme rates in the country, because of the lack of acceptance. That my friends, is NOT OKAY. Every person who is born into this world deserves to live a long and joyous life being who they have always been since the day they were born.

Dad, thank you for showing me everyday what unconditional love looks like. You have truly opened my mind since I was 18 years old, and the LGBTQ+ community was introduced to me. I couldn’t be more grateful for the example you have set. Because you have taught me to open my mind, I have succeeded in life with every relationship that has remained healthy. You have also helped me with repairing unhealthy relationships, that are now healthy. I do my absolute best to see everyone for who they are, and cheer them on with every ounce of my being to be their true authentic selves. Thank you for introducing me to LoveLoud. That festival has really expanded my mind, and heart. I love you dad. Continue being you, continue loving everyone you know, continue teaching those who don’t understand fully, continue helping those who are struggling, continue loving Mat with your whole heart. You are a ROCKSTAR. I will always and forever be your number 1 Ally. May we all LOVE LOUD.

As July was coming to an end, I started to pack my things up in boxes… this was really happening… I was going to be starting over in Arizona.